Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
