I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
