wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
