haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm getting married
To pizza
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
