I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
