Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
