Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
