me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
