dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
