pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
