is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
