My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize