3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
