So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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