I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
