we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize