then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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