my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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