The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
