I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize