I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
