The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
