It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
