Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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