The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
