dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
