Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
