I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
