Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
