I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
