i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
