Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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