I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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