don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize