you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
two words...techno handjob
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
