Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
