So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
