i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
