youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
so much tequila, so little girl.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
