Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
