I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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