The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think I died a long time ago.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You ate ashes out of my bong
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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