The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
