Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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