She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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