I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
whose parrot is this?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
