she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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