Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
