now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
