I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you traded sex for a burrito?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
