Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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