their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize