I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
