mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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