I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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