P.S. I can't hear my feet
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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