at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
