how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize