I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
