dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
