I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
