I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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