My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
