Grow some girl-balls and come out already
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
