he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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