I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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