i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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