I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
