I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
