You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
