YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize