It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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