Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
