Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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